Fear is the Killer of Dreams: Why Twenty-Somethings Should Take Risks

Why is a healthy level of risk-taking especially important in your twenties? In the following extract from Person in Progress: A Roadmap to the Psychology of Your 20s, Jemma Sbeg examines the fear of risk-taking and advocates for saying yes to things you might not feel completely prepared for.

Why is a healthy level of risk-taking especially important in your twenties? First, risks can be the biggest catalysts for changing your life and the entire direction it goes in. Risks are sometimes the decisions with the biggest payoffs, if you can get past your initial fears. When you move beyond that fear and do the hard thing anyway, you become part of the elite 1 percent who get to say, “I did that, I tried, I went where others wouldn’t.”

Second, risks are essential for your growth and self-development – for figuring out who you are. The best memories and growth occur when you put yourself in a position where you are unsure about what comes next. As a result, you have more room for exploration, can test yourself, and build greater confidence in your abilities and resilience. I found this to be true when I quit my full-time job to speak about my twenties for a living. I was completely terrified but ready to try anything, and with more room to say yes, I could see where that took me. Now, with the gift of hindsight, I can see why that was one of the best decisions I ever made. I think I’m back in that phase right now: uncomfortable with what my future has in store but holding space to be open to possibility. The previous experience of quitting my job taught me that fear, uncertainty, and spontaneity are part of the process. Being a little bit afraid might even be the most necessary part. As the saying goes: Diamonds are made under pressure!

Risks are also an essential part of an exploratory mindset for your future. They allow you to see what is out there and what is possible, especially at an age when society is a lot more tolerant of a spontaneous and free-spirited attitude. And taking risks will give you something to be proud of the older you get. They give you the gift of a good story and a life well lived. Even if you’re in your twenties now, fifty years from now you’ll have something to tell your grandchildren or friends in the retirement home that makes them think, “They really got everything out of life.” But even more important, risks give you a sense of agency over your life. You are the driver, you are the decision-maker, you are in control of your destiny.

As the years go by, it becomes so much easier to do what is convenient and obvious, because there is less friction. We become a lot less active in our own decision-making, and to be honest, we get used to just being comfortable and not much else. But true growth and true happiness occur when we push beyond what is comfortable, beyond what feels safe, and into a place of expansion. I’ve also found that what is easy isn’t always what is best. It’s easy to spend your days watching TV, but that won’t make you feel great at the end of the night. It’s easy to do what is expected of you, but then you’re not really living your life for you. It’s easy to never move and stay in the same city or company your entire life, but that won’t necessarily leave you feeling fulfilled. It’s easy to put away your big hopes and creative dreams because it’s scary to think about failing, but how will you know unless you try?

Naturally, the risks you choose to take will look different based on your own values and life vision. It might mean going back to school at twenty-nine, taking a year off to travel solo, starting a business, moving to a new city where you know nobody, quitting your terrible job without a solid plan for what comes next, choosing to invest that time in a hobby or passion you love, or building something. On an even smaller level, risk can also show up in your daily interactions with those around you by being more honest about your feelings, introducing yourself, doing something that scares you, putting your hand up even if you’re unsure, going to events alone, or having difficult conversations. It all comes down to being able to say yes to an opportunity, even if you don’t feel prepared.

On paper, these things don’t seem too hard. And if taking those risks offered everything we’re promised – great payoffs, amazing memories, self-growth, fulfillment, excitement, a better future – it’s difficult to imagine why anyone would ever play it safe. But anyone who has ever contemplated a risky bet will know the fear that comes along with it.

Fear is the killer of dreams. Fear is what keeps us stagnant. We’re scared of failing, we’re scared of things not working out, of giving our dreams our everything and having nothing to show for it. We’re scared of feeling lonely, out of place, or insecure, of not being capable enough. We’re scared of what people might think: the judgment, potential embarrassment, or letting others down. Underneath it all is the fear of the unknown. If you’ve lived your life one way for the first two decades of your existence, what would it mean to turn it all upside down for an outcome you can’t predict? There is nothing safe or familiar about this level of uncertainty.

Person in Progress by Jemma Sbeg is an expansion of her podcast The Psychology of Your 20s and a powerful, deep psychological dive into the messy transitions, life experiences, and major events of your twenties. Find out more about the book and order your copy here.